Hello Again...It's been a long time. :)

Wow, it has been over a year since I have made a post. Looking back at my prior entries, I remember how overwhelmed and cautious I felt. I wondered, "How do I move forward?" and I felt the pressure big time. All of this 'pressure' of course, was self inflicted. Either way, you live and learn. And, just like my mother commented on one of my prior posts, "Just take one day at a time and trust." And, of course, like most mothers are, she was exactly right. The more overwhelmed I was about my future, the more stagnant I became. Throughout this past year and a few months, so much has happened that I will not bore you with, but, you might wonder, have I figured out my "life plan" yet, like I so desperately wanted? Absolutely not. What I have figured out, however, I'm sure most of you already knew. There is no "life plan". And by that, I do not mean to not set goals or aspirations, on the contrary, I just mean, the more I tried to "plan out" my life, the more the Lord showed me that that just wasn't going to work. HE has a plan, yes. Does he want me to know that plan before it happens, in detail, with bar graphs, and time lines, and photographs of my future family tree? Nope.

I know this is a simple truth, that one wouldn't think would take long to understand. BUT, along with being a dreamer and a planner (a paradox in and of itself), I am also a stubborn son-of-a-gun. And the Lord is merciful enough to not give up on me. It has taken a series of events, both good and bad, to cause me to finally start letting go. To realize this house-of-cards I have been feverishly building for myself is exactly that. Fragile, easy to topple, and a feeble comparison to the master Architect's blueprint for my life. I am finally starting to get this lesson through my thick head. This was a painful lesson to learn at first. Very painful in fact. But it seems like the really important ones usually are.

Unanswered Questions

I think I may be too logical and realistic for my own good. I am an annoying blend of dreamer and of one who prefers the safe route. I have known from the beginning that I do not want to be a starving artist. I do not want to spend my entire life wondering where my next paycheck is coming from. Many artists like to put a positive spin on this. They like to say "life as an artist is always an adventure", and that not knowing how you are going to pay your bills the next month "keeps things interesting" but I am not made that way. Maybe it was unwise for me to choose this career. Or was it? Because every time I come to this conclusion I always have the same question... "What else would you like to do instead?" And that is when my mind goes blank. My entire life has revolved around singing, acting, performing, directing, teaching, a.k.a 'The Arts'.

So, I am always going back and forth between the artistic voice inside of me, and the voice of reason. When I focus on the 'reason' side of myself, however, I can never move very far in that direction without turning back. Whenever I think about getting a 'safe' job, such as a 9-5 desk job outside of my field, I realize there is no way I could ever do that. I have known since elementary school that I would do everything I could to have a job I love and feel I was meant to do, and still, I cannot see myself letting that go. Ever.

I know there is a reason the Lord has set me on this path, but I have yet to know His intentions... Is there anyone out there with some good advice for me?

Hello world. You feel so very broad and overwhelming from the vantage point of my computer, but I move forward anyway, blindly into the unknown without any prediction as to what my future will hold in 5 years, 1 year, or even two months from now. I assume these are the feelings that most young musical theater majors have in the first few weeks after graduation, and though my feelings are normal, it doesn't make them any less scary. The next two months of my life will consist of assistant directing a production of Peter Pan, teaching two acting classes at a youth theater program in town, and developing my private teaching clientele. After that, who knows. I have several possibilities up in the air, but none are finalized... I guess I should look at this new chapter of my life as an adventure, yes? Well, here I go, whether I like it or not, so I might as well make the best of it! Onward!